Small Talk (Not the News)
We’re at Baylands one recent morning, gathered at the picnic tables getting ready to fly.
Gary and Tom Parks are discussing our global energy problems. Mike isn’t there. Neither is Bruce. Dave has already left. Haven’t seen Doug for weeks.
Tom favors nuclear power. Gary doesn’t.
“What do you do with the radioactive waste?” asks Gary.
“I think we should shoot it out into space,” replies Tom.
“No!” declares Gary. “That’s polluting an environment we don’t understand at all.”
“There’s a lot of room out there,” says Tom. “And we can carefully control where we put it. We could even create a new asteroid made out of radioactive waste.”
Gary looks horrified, but the sun is shining, no radioactive asteroids in sight.
I slip a fresh battery into my tiny flying wing, grab my transmitter and walk to the field.
The next day, same place, slightly different cast of characters, Gary clarifies his objection.
“What if the rocket carrying the radioactive waste explodes on takeoff?” he asks.
Mike Nadler makes a complicated analogy between the radioactive waste and a Port-a-Potty on a seesaw in a campground.
Not helpful.
I slip a fresh battery into my tiny blue spacecraft, grab my transmitter and walk to the field.
Later that same day, my friend Lee Smith and I are standing in line in a grocery store.
We’re holding three big bottles of wine, looking at the magazines on the end cap while we wait.
“Inside Paris’ PRISON HELL,” I read aloud from the cover of the current Star magazine.
“Do you think she deserves a jail sentence?” asks Lee.
The guy waiting in front of us turns around. “I think we should take her out and throw water balloons at her,” he says.
Lee and I agree that that sounds like a pretty good idea.
“I don’t really care what they do,” the guy continues, “as long as they don’t give her a cooking show.”
Maybe I should spend more time in the supermarket, I think.
Then I take a closer look at the Star and realize that Doug Trab made the cover, too!
Small world.
Tags: Baylands, Flying, Life, People.
May 17th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Thanks, Pete.
Made me laugh.
I am leaning toward the ‘fresh battery’ solution to most problems
May 17th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
I love Pete’s stories.
Doug is alive and well and currently building a new kiteboard to replace the one he left on the beach and never saw again.
Here is more about what has been keeping me busy. eHarmony has matched me with over 80 women so far and I have been talking to the few that ski. I am encouraged but there have been a few demoralizing events such as:
After a few rounds of emails one “Woman” said she is transexual, “Every bit a woman” now but she was a dude up until a few years ago. I couldn’t see any upside to hangin with a transexual and said. “no thanks”.
For weeks I had been emailing a woman who “Lives in Oakland” but had been staying with friends in Germany. Finally she came here and I spent a day with her. She is smart, retired at age 49 and looks great but she had a hicky on her neck and really doesn’t live anywhere. She has been on the road travelling and visiting friends for the last three years.
Today I started emailing a new prospect. She asked me what my best traits were and I asked her what she is hoping for in a relationship. She said, “A serious, pensive, balding individual who has amassed enormous wealth.” I replied, “Unfortunately I might not meet your requirements because I have surpased balding and matured to balded. Also, I have only amassed mediocre wealth. However, if you are willing to settle, let’s elope to Las Vegas right now and I’ll show you my number one “Trait” and why they really call me “The Cat Whisperer”.
She replied, “Dear Sir: ALL of my previous marriages to crude, bald, cat-loving skiiers have been short lived, but what-the-heck, I ACCEPT >>
Now what do I do?
I hope everyone is getting some good flying weather.
Doug
May 18th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Mike’s analogy was not that complicated – to wit – It would be like placing a Port-a-Potty on a seesaw and jumping on the opposite end and seeing what happens… Fecal rain!
Only with Tom’s solution it would be nuclear.
So we have Tom packing nuclear waste into plastic containers, loading it on seesaws. Mike shouting Cow-a-bunga - jumping on said seesaw - attempting to launch it into deep space - it actually achieves about 7.5” inches of altitude and falls pitifully to the ground where the container breaks open and kills us all as we laugh at his plight. He hurts his knees again.
I vote for further research…
To Doug…
Stay away from the dudes man! - I believe there would be a serious bout agonizing reappraisal in the morning - besides Cat Whispering is lost on them…
By all means head for Sin City and whisper away!!!
Paris Hilton – Like a fresh breath of smog…
Cheers!
G
May 18th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
“I have surpased balding and matured to balded.”
Wonderful writing. You should do a blog!
June 18th, 2007 at 1:20 am
may retract my stand on the nuclear alternative. After 6 weeks of careful analysis and deliberation (with my new son), I have concluded the newborn’s pooey diaper must hold much more potential as a fuel source.
If we could harness the power of a pooey diaper, let say in some sort of “Hy-PooBrid” Car, it would eliminate a majority of the worlds problems. Let me explain.
1. The use of dirty diapers as a fuel source in a Hy-PooBrid would greatly decrease the size of landfills. Diapers in landfills could be dug up by the scores of undocumented aliens as part of a new amnesty program. This only make sense since no American would do the job.
2. It would be cheaper to launch our garbage into space due to the lighter weight of the garbage sans diapers. If it did eventually reach some intelligent life out there somewhere, it wouldn’t smell near as bad .
3. Since we’ve been burying the diapers in the ground already, burning those suckers up in a combustion engine can’t be any worse for the environment.
4. People would be encouraged to have more children to fuel up their Hy-Poobrid cars, which in turn would greatly help those industrialized nations with falling birth rates. The extra write-offs of large families could be used as investment income to help supplement a failing MediCare system.
5. The U.S.’s independence from foreign oil would bankrupt many OPEC countries, resorting them to divert their energies from developing WMD’s and to exporting bottled spring water. Everybody would have healthier looking skin and less kidney stones due to the increased availability of great tasting water, therefore decrease the burden on our deficient health care system.
There’s probably more, but I see it’s now 1:38 am , and flying is on the morning schedule. Seey you later.
June 18th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
6. People would carry a device that would monitor the diaper content and density. Apple could add MP3 music capability and market it as the ‘IPOOED” Technology stocks would skyrocket, ensuring safe retirement for millions. I knew there was a reason I held onto my KOZMO.COM , PETS.COM , and WEBVAN stock.
7. Childhood obesity would actually be encouraged. Instead of stating that the child is 40lbs overweight, one may say he get 40mpd (mile per diaper).
Oops, diaper change time…more to come.
June 18th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Let’s think about this a little before we proceed with the Hy-PooBrid. If a car running on Bio-Diesel drives by you it smells like Burger King. If a Hy-PooBrid car drives by you, what would it smell like?
I think Tom is just trying to creat a market for a commodity that he has plenty of.
Mike