Free-Range Professors
As I’m pulling a battery out of a plane, getting ready to charge it, Dwight is telling me about his diffraction grating project.
“My plan is to use a computer to drive an ultra-high-resolution plotter,” says Dwight, “then I’ll photo etch that image onto a sheet of reflective Mylar.”
Usually I manage my role in exchanges of this sort with cyclical sounds of agreement and understanding. “Uh huh.” Wait 30 seconds. “That’s interesting.” Another interval. “Wow.” Iterate.
Pay Attention! But Dwight’s subject matter is so strange that I can’t fully trust my response autopilot. I have to listen.
“By varying the angle of the grating lines,” Dwight is saying, “I can multiplex and overlap layers of information on one plane. Just like radio channels in a single frequency range.”
What is he talking about? I’m not sure. Maybe he’s hoping to make great-looking stickers for an airplane. Or perhaps this is the heart of an optical control system to replace a radio transmitter. Or something to do with lasers.
Two Batteries. I’ve pulled out a fresh battery. I have the new battery in my left hand, the spent battery in my right.
Dwight started talking about this yesterday, or was it the day before? Let me see… He said he got some equipment from Weird Stuff, then he was researching plotter drivers, then he found a place that sells optical-quality polymer film and now he’s going to make something…
Trying to puzzle this out, I hook the new battery to the old battery. Sparks. Heat. I’m paralyzed for a microsecond, then I yank them apart. That wasn’t what I meant to do. Not at all. Old battery belongs on charger, new battery goes in airplane.
Short Circuit. Dwight isn’t really Dwight. Names have been changed to protect the guilty. So have topics. The rest is true. I once short circuited two batteries trying to listen gracefully to someone talk about something that surpassed my interest.
Alas, we have a few misplaced college lecturers at Baylands.
Their topics range from esoterica to paranoia to me-me-me. Their style is aggressive: transmission, not interactivity. I once lost patience and left someone who was telling me about his latest crash, talking without pause. He continued to talk to me as I receded to my car.
Puffing Up. I like some of them when they’re away from their podiums, but not when they puff up and launch into a speech. Their eyes roll back, like those of a great white shark, and they attack, dismembering attention spans as if they were plump sea lions.
Though I’m sometimes guilty of getting swept up in an enthusiasm and talking too much, I try to keep track of my audience, looking for tell-tale signs: glazed eyes, fidgeting, backing away. And I stop before they happen.
The other day, I was flying one of my small wings, powered by a tiny brushless outrunner that Dave North created by rewinding a United Hobbies motor.
Another flyer noticed it. “What’s the KV?” he asked.
I pointed Dave out to him and Dave answered his question.
KV Lecture. Then the flyer started to tell Dave and me how KV relates to motor performance. He launched into a non-stop lecture on the subject.
Dave put up with it for a minute, then said, “If you want to ask me about my motor, go ahead. Otherwise, I’m going to fly.” And walked away.
He was lucky. The guy stopped talking.
Occasionally, two free-range professors will show up on the same day.
On those occasions, I think about my battery accident and hope that somehow they will connect. And short-circuit each other.
Tags: Baylands, Life, People.
November 5th, 2007 at 7:52 am
Pete, if you would stop and listen to the “Free Range Professors” more you could get your degree in Bullshitology.
November 6th, 2007 at 9:41 am
The professors make my hair hurt.
There are more of them than this article alludes to – many more…
I find I can’t get a word in edge wise or say something that requires a few seconds to comprehend. The reference to “Having the Floor” does not pertain to our little enclave.
It would appear to an outsider observing us that completely grown men are standing around speaking on completely different subjects simultaneously.
Begging the question “Are these people ADD savants?”
When I manage to say two words that go together in my own mind I’m so happy at my accomplishment I lose my train of thought…
This is immediately sensed by the crowd and whatever momentum I thought I had vanishes like the author’s batteries.
This has happened to me while standing next to the author (I may have been speaking). He was hooking up a plane’s battery for flight. Melted wires were the result – he either does this quite regularly… or wait !!! This is the sound of me drawing a quick breath.
Signed
One of the Stuttering Free-Rangers - Ha Ha!
November 7th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I’d say something on the subject but who wants to hear it?
Well. Guess I can’t stop myself. Here’s one:
How about the folks who “ask” a “question” purely as a foot in the door to launch into their anecdote/lecture/rant?
November 16th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Gary is right when he says “There are more of them than this article alludes to – many more…”. I would also add that they exist in all hobbies and can be very entertaining should you have any amount of sarcastic wit within you. The can be “egged on” endlessly, if you have the patience for such things. You must also be able to appreciate the humor in it. Much like Monty Python, it’s an acquired taste. Of course the big payoff is when they finally realize that you are mocking them. Cruel? Maybe. It is , however, effective in deterring repeat offenses.
With all that said, I admit to being guilty on occasion of liking to hear myself talk…seemingly without end. But, I always take my lumps when mocked.
Long live the Free Rangers !